Some friends are just too polite to speak up and tell you when you’re about to walk straight into a fashion disaster. Me? I’m kind of the exact opposite. I speak true because I genuinely care.
If you happen to lack an honest friend, or a full-length mirror, then please consider this advice my early holiday gift to you.
A Word About Holiday Sweaters
Maybe I’m a bit of a Scrooge, but I think holiday sweaters serve one purpose – to announce to the world that you’ve run out of clothing options because it’s time to do laundry.
Big, bulky, boxy, and festooned with flashy fir trees, there’s absolutely nothing flattering about these horrors of the knitting kingdom. Save yourself the trauma and avoid wearing holiday sweaters at all costs.
After much thought, I can come up with only one time when it’s potentially fun and appropriate to wear a holiday sweater. My sister and I once enjoyed a day of thrift shopping while she hunted high and low for the most festive of holiday sweaters. She came up empty handed in her search (thank heavens).
In her defense, my sister had been invited to a party themed around mocking holiday sweaters, all attendees were encouraged to find the most hideous holiday sweater possible.
Ribbons and Bows Add Up to “Oh Noes!”
I love presents! Every single day of the year is a great day for presents, and nothing goes better on a beautifully wrapped gift than a bow. That’s right, ribbons and bows go on gifts.
Not your sweater, not your earrings, not your other accessories, and surely not on your head as part of a novelty hairpiece. Unless you’re 5 years old and your mother is forcing you to dance in a glitzy pageant for toddlers in the hopes of winning a puppy and one of several tiaras.
That’s the only time, though. If there’s a chance of winning a tiara, go ahead and wrap yourself in whatever gets the job done.
Easy on the Evergreen, Agnes
Pumpkin spice, cinnamon, warm apple pie, and a host of other delicious aromas tend the make the air thick with holiday cheer. There’s no need to add to the nasal assault with a heavy application of perfume, even if you do want to enjoy a nice broad circle of personal space.
If someone can smell your scent beyond a one foot radius, you’ve applied too much. Remember that the holidays usually mean lots of hugging, even if you want to choke half of your family members it’s not cool to gag them with your fragrance.
This goes for your natural aroma as well. If it’s been a while since you’ve danced the soapy tango in a steamy shower, there’s no better time than the present to get all lathered up.
I’m sure your family really appreciates your natural lifestyle, and they probably think living off-grid is inspiring, but they’ll be a lot more willing to sit around and converse with you on the topic if you don’t smell like humanure.
Get real with me! Add your own holiday fashion advice in the comments below.